Hey Captain, I was Wondering Unohana Edition
by Selestyna Arpa364
Summary: "Hey Captain, I was wondering...what's your type?" Isane asks an interesting question. T for some suggestive themes. Uno x Mystery man.


**A/N: This one I thought of while I was doing the dishes. I come up with the weirdest crap ever…I don't own Naruto, but I do have Ramen…oh and I don't own Bleach, I don't know why I said Naruto…**

Lieutenant Isane was quite distressed. She had gone out last night with Rangiku, Rukia, and Nanao. They were drinking lightly (…well most of them were, Rangiku had polished off three bottles already) and the subject came around to their Captains.

"I swear my Captain doesn't have a heart, he made me do 50 pages of paperwork today after he found my sake stash," Rangiku complained in a slurred voice. "He'll never get a girlfriend if this keeps up."

Nanao adjusted her glasses. "I'm hardly surprised that he found your stash, but I doubt your punishment will affect his love life."

"What love life? The only person Captain Hitsugaya seems interested in is Lieutenant Hinamori, but he wants to be friends with her," Rukia said, taking a sip.

"Wouldn't it be weird if your Captain dated though," Isane said thoughtfully. All the girls were silent for a second, then they all started talking.

"Isn't it illegal?"

"Would a Captain date another Captain?"

"Could a Captain date lower than their rank?"

"What if it was one of the female Captains?"

"Who would wear the pants?" This comment from Rangiku shut everyone up.

"Who would wear the pants," Nanao repeated.

"Yeah Nanao, you know…whose on top?" Rangiku winked. Isane fell out of her chair, Nanao fiddled with her glasses and Rukia snorted out her drink.

"W-well," Nanao began, blushing. "Logically, because the Captain is of higher rank, I guess they would er…'wear the pants' so you say." Everyone nodded.

"But what if it was Captain Soi Fon or Captain Unohana? Who would be on top then," she asked. Again, the women were silent.

"Well, I don't know about Captain Unohana, but Captain Soi Fon is not the type to let others take control of anything…unless that certain _someone _is…"

"Yoruichi," they all said in unison.

*Cool Transition*

"Achoo!" Yoruichi rubbed her nose. "Looks like someone's talking about me."

"Now why would anyone talk about you," Urahara teased her, coming into her room behind his shop.

"Because I'm popular and men everywhere love me."

Urahara sweatdropped. "Humble are we? Well I hope I won't make them too jealous," he said, leaning down to kiss her.

Yoruichi smiled when they broke apart. "Nah, it was probably just Soi Fon anyway."

*Cool Transition*

"Achoo!" Soi Fon sneezed. "Ugh, someone is talking about me." She blushed. "I hope it's Lady Yoruichi."

"CAPTAIN!" Omaeda burst into her office.

"Damnit."

*Cool Transition*

"I guess so…but who could a Captain date anyway," Rukia asked. "I know my brother wouldn't date any soul reaper who wasn't capable of handling herself in battle…she would probably have to be a noble too."

"My Captain is too young." Everyone again stared at Rangiku. "What? Just because I said he was heartless, doesn't mean he won't date…he'll just wait a couple years."

Nanao took a sip of her tea. "What makes you thin-"

"He's short." All the girls 'oh-ed' simultaneously. "So what about your guys's Captains?"

"Captain Kyoraku doesn't really have a 'type' of girl he specifically likes…he has a tendency to flirt with any female soul reaper in sight-"

"Which normally happens to be you," Rangiku said, winking at her. Nanao fiddled with her glasses and was silent.

"Captain Ukitake seems like the sort of man who would like a kind, gentle woman…I would have thought he would like someone like Captain Unohana, except…" Everyone thought of the 4th Captain's creepy aura and shivered. "What about Captain Unohana? What kind of guy do you think she likes?"

"Well…uh…I don't really know, I've never seen her show interest in anything but healing."

"Really?" Rangiku was overly fascinated. "Do you think it's because she's a doctor?"

"Huh?" Isane was confused.

"Maybe she isn't interested in finding a man because she has to do ALL the exami-" Nanao clapped a hand over Rangiku's dirty mouth.

"It's probably because she is far too busy with doctoring patients to involve herself with a man," Nanao said practically, removing her hands.

"Still though, what kind of guy do you think she would date," Rukia asked.

"Why don't we ask her," Rangiku said. There were murmurs of 'yeah' 'okay', then everyone turned to stare at Isane.

"W-why are you guys looking at me like that?"

Thus she ended up being the one elected to find out Captain Unohana's 'type'.

"Why am I doing this?"Oh right. She was curious too. Actually, she had been wondering for a while. Originally, she thought Rukia's guess would have been most accurate; after all her Captain spent plenty of time with Rukia's white-haired Captain. However, her Captain never showed any signs of affection beyond kind and caring.

"Hmm…who could she like?" She had currently finished her rounds and was on her way to report to her Captain…where she would ask _that_ question. _None of the unranked men are at her level…Not Head Captain Yamamoto…too old. He's a bit cranky anyway. How about his Lieutenant, what's his name? No never mind, he creeps me out. Lieutenant Omaeda? Um…no. She'd probably put him on a strict diet and there goes that relationship. Lieutenant Kira from the 3__rd__ Division is nice enough, but I don't think he could handle her…Captain Unohana is just too…moving on. Hanataro? *snort* too young…he's cute though. Captain Kuchki? No way, too cold. He's very handsome though. Lieutenant Abarai. I don't think he's anyone's type. Captain Komamura. Is he even human? His Lieutenant…eh, not bad but those sunglasses…and his ego…nah. What about Captain Kyoraku? He's a womanizer but-_ "Oof." She bumped into something.

"Something on your mind Isane?" It was Captain Unohana.

"C-Captain! Forgive me! I wasn't looking where I was going." She bowed deeply.

"It's alright Isane, come in. Are you done with your rounds?" 

"Y-yes Captain."

She followed her Captain into her office and accepted the tea offered to her. "So what is bothering you, Isane?"

Isane started. Her Captain was so perceptive it was _scary_. "Nothing is bothering me Captain."

Her Captain smiled. "Are you sure Isane?"

"Yes, er-no. No I'm not. Captain, do you mind if I asked a personal question?"

"Not at all, what would you like to know."

Isane thought for a second as to how to word this (embarrassing, highly inappropriate) question.

"Isane?"

"Hey Captain, I was wondering…what is your type?" _There! I said it!_

"Oh that. I'm O negative." Isane sweat dropped.

"N-no, I meant your type…in men." _There! She said it again!_

All of a sudden a creepy purple aura appeared around her Captain and the smile became forced. "Why do you wish to know?"

"N-no particular reason, I-!"

Capatin Unohana was silent for a moment as she sat back in her chair. "Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt. I'm rather picky, so I'm afraid not too many men fit my tastes." Isane nodded, already eliminating Lieutenants Iba, Sentaro, and Abarai from her mental checklist. "I prefer tall men (_Captain Hitsugaya, gone._), who are strong (_Hanataro didn't have a chance._), kind (_Not Captain Kuchki_) and confident in their abilities, (_Not Kira or Hisagi._) who is humble (_Omaeda and Captain Zaraki gone. Heck anyone from Squad 11 is out!_), and has excellent health (_Not Captain Ukitake…or Kyoraku with the way he drinks_). Oh and I'm exceedingly partial to men with black hair." (_Phew, not Komamura._)

Isane nodded and analyzed her mental list. _So all that leaves is…no one._

There was a knock on the door. Hanataro came in after a minute saying, "Excuse me Captain, there is a patient who would like to see you."

"Ah, this will take a bit Isane, will you please check on the men from Squad 11?"

Isane nodded and left, glad to be gone from the awkward situation. She stood and walked quickly past Hanataro, into the hall, through some doors, past a Captain and to the section of the 4th designated for the 11th squad. _She eliminated every male I thought of for her…who on earth could fit that type?_

Back at Captain Unohana's knock there was a knock on her door and Captain Kuchki swept in. Hanataro made a sound like a strangled parrot and left. Unohana closed the door and Captain Kuchki took her into his arms gently.

"So how is my favorite 'patient' today?" She asked sweetly. Byakuya stooped a little and gently kissed her lips.

"Much better now…how is your day love?" They both sat down in the chairs in front of her desk.

"Nothing unusual Byakuya, except Isane asked me what type of man I like."

His lips curved up slightly in amusement. "What did you say?"

"I told her I like tall men who are strong, kind, confident in their abilities, humble, has excellent health and black hair."

Captain Kuchki chuckled slightly. "It sounds as if you were describing my taste in women, love. Do you think your Lieutenant will guess?"

"I don't think so but if she did, she has enough discretion to keep it a secret."

Byakuya smiled and kissed her hand, her left hand ring finger more precisely, then he kissed her passionately, taking her breath away and making her heart speed with the little physical contact shared by their lips. "For now, Retsu…"

Unohana smiled, running her hands through his soft hair. "For now," she echoed.

Isane was still thinking about who her Captain would match up with. Then it came to her; the only reason her Captain would give such specific traits is because she was in love! But the last trait was rather specific (why black hair?) so therefore that characteristic one must be a ruse! Ignoring that one and comparing all the male soul reapers to her criteria, only one fit that description…

"OH MY GOSH! MY CAPTAIN IS IN LOVE WITH ICHIGO KUROSAKI!"

***Cool Transition belongs to RayWilliamJohnson of YouTube. Hope you liked the story!**


End file.
